Monday, 13 November 2017 / Northern Ireland, UK

Headspace


Initially I was quite hesitant when it came to writing this blog post; not just because I've been procrastinating about it for the entirety of a week, but because I've been experiencing this real sluggish and out of sorts feeling - something that just normally isn't me. Whether it's down to a lack of sleep or simply overdoing it I'm not entirely sure at all, but I have to admit that I do worry about the wavering future of She In The Know and often myself at times.

It's Sunday the 12th of November; it's 8 o'clock and it's currently 2 degrees outside - because of this, I've spent the entire day cooped up in-front of the TV watching E4 on repeat, in my comfiest clothes whilst the fire blasts hot air in my direction. I have managed it, once again I have managed to avoid a full day of blog work and I feel pretty shitty for it. I really do. I feel as though when I don't produce content, or a high enough standard of content that I'm not only letting myself down, but I'm letting my readers down essentially and that's just another reason why I am my own worst enemy.

Frankly I know that I don't pat myself on the back enough for the things I've achieved, so maybe I'm just in the wrong headspace? Maybe I needed to write this post and the previous one so I could come to terms with the fact that I don't appreciate myself enough - cue 2018 goal planning.

Truth is; I've been riding this wave hoping that what I've been experiencing would fizzle out and that I'd make some form of progress before Monday morning and I think I am. Mostly because I have managed to draft this blog post and send it to Matthew for proof-reading, but could it be a sign that what I've been going through is set to come to an end? I can't wait to go back to work and back to creating to-do lists, because that's what motivates me and I enjoy routine - I enjoy having a clearer headspace.

Do you ever feel out of sorts? How do you deal with it?
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Monday, 6 November 2017 / Northern Ireland, UK

I Am My Own Worst Enemy


For the longest time I had tunnel vision; but it's come to my attention recently that in-fact, I am my own worst enemy. When I left High School I surrendered my dreams to feel a sense of comfort, because I wasn't sure who I was yet or who I wanted to be - I was a naive sixteen year old girl, who had lost all sense of direction and instead of going on to study what I had initially wanted to; ended up doing what everyone else expected me to. I spent years crafting limiting beliefs and shielding myself from happiness by refusing to put myself out there and as a result wondered why my life was so miserable.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it's something most of us have experienced - we've all caused problems for ourselves at some point and made things more difficult than they probably should have been, because we're human and we're a little bit silly at times. But it's when I sit down now as an adult and look at the successes of my fellow students that I have come to realize just how much I've been blocking myself this entire time and how it is my attitude and my focus that has been detrimental to my own development and progress both in my career and personal life thus far.

Like most people I would assume; I do question myself. Am I doing well? Am I going anywhere? Is this where I need to be right now? I mean, I didn't go to University when I probably should have and I didn't go travelling this summer but everyone else did and that's part of the problem. I focus more on what everyone around me is achieving and doing in their spare time that I almost forget to pat myself on the back for the things I've been doing myself.

That's how I've come to realize that I am my own worst enemy. Instead of driving my own success by pushing myself, I've been questioning whether I'm good enough. I've been comparing my life to the life of others and I know I shouldn't be - I should be doing what makes me happy, what makes me feel successful.

I really need to come to terms with my own self-worth and realize that in-fact I am at the root of my own issues. I can't expect to sit back and wait for life to set the pace, if I want to be successful I need to work harder for it - whether that's in the gym or simply with my blog. I need to stop basing my life of everyone else's because this isn't a race - it's a marathon and although we're all on different roads, we only get one chance at it, so we might as well enjoy it when we're here.
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